no caveats - female language behaviours to stop now
"Caveat" comes from the Latin verb "cavēre" ("to be on guard") and means let him beware.
Why do women come with a warning? We apologize for taking our seat at the table: before we enter a conversation; before we dare to disagree; before we take time for ourselves. We interrupt, disturb, and disquiet in a dialogue that too often remains one-way.
When I ask female clients about their skills and achievements, the answer almost always begins with a nervous giggle or an awkward smile. In fact, their achievements should be more akin to a war cry, a bellow, a "YES, AND I DID ALL THAT WITH TWO KIDS AND A HOUSE TO ORGANIZE!"
Yet we continue to introduce our opinions, validate our approach, and soften our strengths when we write just as we do when we speak.
We just don’t know how to communicate once we remove the language crutches we have relied on for generations.
Wondering what I mean?
Ask yourself how you would begin an email or social media post.
Would you dive straight in to the action, the matter at hand, the topic of conversation, without a preemptive intro (apology)?
Or would you gradually test the water, give some background, justify the importance of the topic, under the guise of context?
When I worked in the corporate world, many of my colleagues would call on me for assistance when writing an important email. Not because of my expert grammar knowledge, or my teaching skills. Actually, they just wanted to make sure they didn’t upset anyone, tread on any toes, come across as “too direct.”
I realized that I was the master of softness and subtlety. And I wondered why this sickened me.
As I started becoming aware of my own use of self-justifying language, I was writing an email to a colleague that began with, “I was just wondering if you could send me…” I came to the realization that not one of my male colleagues would have used the phrase, “I was just wondering if” when beginning the same email. They would have had the confidence to go ahead and ask, “Could you send me…?”
Well, of course. And why not? There’s nothing offensive or aggressive about being assertive.
This example is just one of a pattern of softened communication that I have noted in my own writing and that of the women I have the pleasure of supporting in my role as a brand voice coach.
The problem is, this subtle softening and introducing is sabotaging our attempts to connect with our ideal audience in our business copy. It makes for a brand voice that is:
hesitant and apologetic
wordy and unclear
And if we’re not 100% sold on ourselves and our services in our copy, you can be sure our customers won’t be.
I urge all the wonderful, powerful, highly-skilled women out there to own your achievements and your place at the table. We stand on the shoulders of courageous women who dared to dream of a different life for us. We are strong. We are worthy.
We do not need caveats.
