perfectionist procrastinations
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.” - Marianne Williamson
This quotation was scribbled on a piece of lined notepaper handed to me by a counsellor at a job fair. I had always disliked job interviews, objectives, targets, and "selling myself." So I had signed up for a free "assertiveness workshop."
There were only three of us in the workshop, and the atmosphere was filled with nervous silence. We repeated affirmations, talked about insecurities, and practiced saying "no". I spoke about how I fear opportunities to showcase my skills and experience due to a fear of failure or rejection. After the workshop, the facilitator stopped me: "Do you have a fear of failure -- or is it more a fear of success?"
Wow, what will they invent next? I wondered. Who could have a fear of success? Isn't that what we all want and work hard to achieve?
Funny thing that I’ve come to learn: I am afraid of success.
I work hard on a million things behind the scenes to "set up" my next steps but avoid the one task that would get me/my work out there.
I unconsciously upgrade every Instagram notification to Important! Must Read Right Now! status.
I design beautiful, detailed checklists with items that I rarely check off.
These perfectionist procrastination tactics stem from a fear of who I will become and how my life will change if I achieve success.
💭The more successful I am, the more the spotlight is on me. This makes me feel evaluated. What if I mess it up?
💭Successful people are fake, untrustworthy, loud, or obsessed with material things. I don't want to be like that.
💭I barely have enough time now. If my business grows, I'll have even less of a work-life balance.
💭I have a good system, and I know what I'm doing every day. I don't have the energy to change my routine.
When I get stuck in a procrastination paralysis, it helps to take a moment to work on my mindset. I remind myself that what I do is important and really helps people; that I have handled major change before and will do so again; that my service and my messaging is genuine and so the response I receive will only ever be the same; and that, most importantly, it's my business and I am in the driving seat.
Does every new follower fill you with fear? Spend some time journaling on what success looks like for you and what your fears are about getting there? It’s quite an enlightening exercise.
